The Meaning of Express

You can check out laptops in the library for 60 minutes.  You can check out PCs in the library 60 minutes.  And you can check out the Express PC for 15 minutes.

We’ve discussed before how I have the power (Yes, me, I have the power, as opposed to you who does not have the power) to extend any of these computer times at my discretion.  And, at my discretion I’m not extending the 15 minute computer unless a library staff member and/or the library system screws up majorly somehow AND there are no other computers available.  This is because if there are other computers available, I’m just gonna move you over to an available computer to solve “your” problem caused by “our” problem of screwing up.

Now, the important thing to note in the above is that I’m NOT going to care if you need something because YOU screwed up.  I do not care.  Plenty of people do not screw up, and just because YOU have a problem does not mean that I have a problem.

Got it?  GREAT!

Patron:          I’m on the 15 minute computer and I need you to extend my time.

Me:               (Do you now . . . do you NEED ME?  Of course you do because I’m the only one with the power to make such extensions occur!  HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA!  ahem.)  OK, well, that is the express computer and I can’t extend the time on that computer, so feel free to get on one of the computers that has a blue screen, and you can have 60 minutes on that computer.

Patron:             Well, you need to educate staff about telling patrons that the computer is an express computer.

Me:             (I do?  Really?  I need to?  But you just admitted that you KNEW it was an express computer because YOU SAID that YOU were on the 15 minute computer.  Or did I halucinate that?)  OK.

Patron:         Because I am trying to make a flight reservation and the page is taking a long time to load.

Me:              (OH!  Even better!  So it’s the fact that THE WEBPAGE is slow in rejecting your no doubt over-the-limit-credit-card that is the reason YOU NEED and extension.)  Well, I’m sorry it is taking a long time to load (I’m not really, but we are supposed to say this to disarm patrons.  It doesn’t work.  Someday I’m going to stop.)

Patron:           Yeah, well, you need to educate staff because I wouldn’t have gotten on that computer if I had known.

Me:            (I DO NOT NEED TO DO ANYTHING!  YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT YOU GOT ON THE 15 MINUTE COMPUTER!  AND THAT TO DO SO YOU HAD TO KNOW THAT IT WAS AN “EXPRESS” COMPUTER THAT WAS ONLY “15 MINUTES” BECAUSE WHEN YOU MAKE THE RESERVATION – WHICH YOU HAVE TO DO BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY GET ON THAT COMPUTER BY MAKING A RESERVATION – THE RESERVATION SYSTEM TELLS YOU SO!  AND GIVES YOU A WARNING!  OH!  AND!  YOU ADMITTED THAT YOU WERE ON A “15 MINUTE COMPUTER,” REMEMBER?!?!?!!?!?!  REMEMBER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?) OK.

Patron:           Well, you need to educate the staff to tell patrons that you can’t extend the time on the 15 minute computer because they tell me one thing and you tell me another.

Me:                 OK.

Needless to say, the repetitive OK leads to the patron going and getting on the 60 minute computer, making his flight reservation, texting on his cellphone while checking email, and generally using the computer for other purposes for the entire 60 minute period.

Bah.

Boy, I really wish I had gone into that tirade.

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One Response to The Meaning of Express

  1. Charles R says:

    Patrons are stupid, but I do agree that having the 15 minute computers listed as Express computers at the Reservation Station doesn’t really tell them anything. It would be better if they changed the name from Express to 15 Minute Sessions or something.

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